Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
