If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
