turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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