At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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