i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
