We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
