Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
