Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
