My Higher Power is John Stamos
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Success! We fucked roommates!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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