i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
