Are we in a gay sports bar?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
