How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
