Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
