i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
