dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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