I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
