i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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