she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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