sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
