you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
