If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
