and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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