Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
