hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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