How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
