Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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