Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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