all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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