my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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