3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
