I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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