handjob tips. give me some.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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