oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
