wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
