Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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