it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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