We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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