Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
