I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people