What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
