did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize