I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
