its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
