like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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