i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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