the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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