you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
