Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
