Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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