How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
