it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
