I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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