When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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