what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
