I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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