Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
