i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
