I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Damn victory sex feels great
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
