Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
