if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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