Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
