i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
