My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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