My balls are so social today.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
