Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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