Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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