Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
