yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
