call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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