Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
