I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
