Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
