Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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