All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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